“Why do we do the things we do”? If you’re anything like me, it’s probably been longer than you care to remember since you’ve asked yourself that question. And when would you even have the time to truly reflect, and inject rational thought into such a mysterious and open-ended inquiry? 

In today’s fast paced and ever evolving environment, where a miniature computer in your pocket keeps you connected to the world 24/7, days seem to be bombarded with emails, text messages, virtual meetings, and a plethora of other minutiae constantly vying for our attention. In this society, we are the commodity. Time alone with our thoughts, to include self-reflection and creative contemplation, has been suppressed or pushed to the side, entirely lost in the process. Where then, do we find inspiration? Where do we meet like-minded individuals, or even a possible mate? 

I’ll give you a hint. It’s the same place we go to receive validation, and to invalidate others who don’t align themselves with our specific outlook and world views. 

We live our lives behind a screen. We admire beautiful views through pictures, people through profiles, and food through second-hand accounts. Our phones have taken over just about every aspect of our experience, and they are filtering out reality. When was the last time you saw a concert goer who wasn’t taking constant videos on their phone during the show? Do you even have a memory of basking in a breathtaking view without attempting to capture the perfect angle of that landscape from behind a screen? Have you ever interacted with a public figure or somebody of influence on a genuine, human level, without asking them for an autograph or picture? I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m guessing it’s been longer than you’d like to admit.

The last time I contemplated any of this, was on an overcast day while strolling the Asbury Park boardwalk, before my red eye flight out of Newark Airport set to depart just a few hours later. I spend such an abundance of time between Newark and Asbury Park that it feels like a constant revolving door.  On that particular day, I received a text from a friend I hadn’t seen in ages. He was at an event nearby taking place up the promenade, and invited me to join. As I walked north up the boardwalk with my son, I saw a crowd forming in the distance.  As I approached, I noticed a promotion for Guy Fieri (the famous chef). Apparently, he was doing an event at a local bar, promoting his new tequila brand. I hadn’t been aware of this, but quickly learned of the details from my friend. 

 The appearance was taking place at a small, dimly lit establishment across from the beach. There was a brisk, chill breeze that I could feel run across my cheeks, as lines of thirsty customers spilled out of the entrance and onto the boards. While I observed the chaotic scene around me; with my buddy walking in my direction clenching his new bottle of freshly crafted tequila, I pondered purchasing my own bottle, hanging around for a bit longer, possibly meeting Guy Fieri, and, most importantly, getting a picture with him. 

The air outside was beginning to feel a bit more frigid than when I had arrived, the sun was starting to dip, and open space in the taproom was quickly becoming obsolete. As I anticipated my journey to Newark, the waves crashed in the background, and my stomach began to growl. After a few minutes of contemplation, I ultimately decided against the idea of waiting in line with the masses for a possible meet and greet with the chef. I bid farewell to my buddy and went on my way.

Shortly after leaving the scene of tequila-starved patrons, I trekked up the parkway toward Newark, the epicenter of New Jersey travel. I started analyzing my own thought process as I began my journey. Why did I consider inconveniencing myself and my son, to possibly meet Guy Fieri and get a picture in the first place? I’m not into the culinary world (other than eating that is), nor do I watch his cooking shows, though I definitely know of them thanks to my wife. I don’t follow him on social media, nor am I that familiar with his work. I do, however, admire his willingness to step up in time of tragedy, and donate to the less fortunate. If anything, this would be what I respect most about him as a person.  Maybe the little experience would entice me to grab a bite at his new Bar and Kitchen in terminal A.  

As I delved deeper into my psyche, I began to realize an unfortunate truth. The only reason I’d even considered taking the time to stand in line, wait around for an indeterminate amount of time, and eventually have a 20 second conversation with the man, was because I thought it would be unique to have a picture with Guy Fieri, myself and my son. Would I have experienced any real interaction with him on a genuine, human level, in the few seconds we exchanged pleasantries? Probably not. 

To be clear, this is not a knock on Guy Fieri in any way, shape or form. As stated above, I truly respect the way he has given back to those in need. When you have so many fans who have come out to support your new venture, you have an obligation to take the time to engage. However, between the troves of admirers, and a limited time frame, the opportunity of entering into a genuine discussion on a personal level, is very unlikely. I then asked myself, if I had briefly met the famous chef and got that picture, would I have kept it solely for myself and my family to enjoy, only to show my boy when he got a bit older? The answer is an obvious no.  I was sure that I would have shared it “on the gram” with a catchy caption like “hanging out with this “Guy” and this “guy” or something to that effect. Hopefully I would’ve thought up a post that was a bit more captivating.

My point in all of this is, upon actually reflecting, I was disappointed in myself. It was the fact that I was more focused on the picture than on the experience itself. I realized that I kind of relished the old days, when every phone didn’t have a camera built in, you needed to carry around a big clunky camcorder in order to record a video, and we were all very frugal with our picture taking, as we only had a certain number of shots at our disposal. I miss having real interactions with real people, where no expectations were involved. That was a time when we engaged in meaningful conversations that we would remember for a lifetime, despite there being no video evidence of the encounter. This is how we learned about the experiences and differing views of others we crossed paths with from one day to the next. These random, powerful social exchanges would teach us about our differences, our similarities, and everything in between. This is how we truly grow as people and acquire the skill of communication, which so many are lacking these days. 

We find ourselves in an age of technology which removes the majority of human contact and real-world communication from our daily lives. Where the risk of rejection is much lower, since you haven’t assigned a real human being to the online persona you’ve been interacting with on the social media platform of your choosing. Relationships have less meaning, younger generations lack the communication skills to properly present themselves in public settings, and forming a profound human connection is about as common as winning the Powerball lottery. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, but you catch my drift. 

Our lives are transactional, monitored, and ingenuine at best. We are living in an era different than any other, and we all must adjust accordingly. This is just a small reminder to always enjoy the little things, don’t be afraid to lose yourself in the moment, and be sure to experience your life in full color, instead of living behind a screen. This is more of an intimation for myself than anything else. Far too many times I’ve found myself taking a picture, recording a video, or crafting an email, rather than truly amercing myself in the beauty that is all around us. The beauty that is life.

Will I post a link to this article on the gram? The short answer is “yes”. I obviously would like others to read and relate. But the real question is:  did I do it for the gram? That answer is an unequivocal no. I took a moment within my life that allowed me to explore my own mind, and came to some realizations about today’s world, as I see it. I do encourage you to take advantage of todays’ technological advances, however, make sure you’re living in real time once in a while, without your favorite gram filter.

Isn’t that what it’s truly all about?