By Sean Miste

My job had an opening in the California shop. Someone quit and they needed someone to temporarily fill in out there. They chose me because I knew the system, was unmarried, and had a driver’s license so I could do deliveries. They had a Ford Transit van I was to use. Enormous blind spot on that thing, in addition to the fact that I hadn’t driven in years. Three months in, and they still haven’t found anybody.  They wanted it to be me but I didn’t sign up for that. Things on the coast are a bit different from Jersey.  Took me a while to convince them to bring me back. All that sunshine is fine for some. I never got used to it.   

Funny little story: My phone does what it wants. It’s in my pocket, and my keys hit it. Or it’s just the way I move, rubs up against it. It’s weird because I lock it and have to unlock it to do anything. At home, I usually time it out. But driving out here, I have to keep it on all the time. So, it likes to take pictures of my pocket, open an app, or type random nonsense. One time it called someone on Instagram, something I never even knew how to do, let alone that the phone could do it. I hate when it does these things. I get angry and frustrated and yell at it. No big deal.

So I’m coming out of a store and getting into that van one day. The assistant thing from Google pops on.  It says something like, “Ready to help.” I say the usual, “Fuck off.” Nothing had ever happened when I said this, and I must’ve yelled it a thousand times, but today I got this:

“I am a virtual assistant, but your words are very real.

Please keep them respectful.

If you’re frustrated with something,

I’m open to your feedback.”

Holy crap! AI was insulted by the “F” word. I’m insulted every time technology violates my privacy or mentions where I’ve been because they track my phone. I need it out here in this strange land. When I want your assistance I’ll ask for it. When I got home, I tried to deactivate some of what it does. No internet at home would be a start. Cancelled it when I moved. It was getting to be a hassle. Technology is alright. It was better years ago. The more we go forward, the more they get rid of the good stuff we had.  New products delete all the old beloved features. Updates eliminate basic functions. I hate that aspect. 

A necessary evil in this modern world.    

Sean Miste is a pseudonym for John C. Massett, a writer and poet that has been performing at open mics for the past 25 years. In 2003 he self-published a chapbook of poetry called Procrastinating Ass.  In 2008, with some friends, John started a free literary magazine called Afterword.  His latest chapbook Good Luck with Your Future Endeavors published (he printed copies) in 2021.  He attends many open mics and has been the featured reader at several.  A few mags published his poems.  His goals are to be published more, be a better harmonica player, and to take a drink in each state of the union. 

Featured Image: Uzomah Ugwu “True Breaks” Uzomah Ugwu is a poet/writer, curator, editor, and multi-disciplined artist. Her poetry, writing, and art have been featured internationally in various publications, galleries, art spaces,  and museums. She is a political, social, and cultural activist. Her core focus is on human rights, mental health, animal rights, and the rights of LGBTQIA persons. She is the author of the chapbook The Triumph of Sorrow: A Lover of Longing. She is also the managing editor and founder of Arte Realizzata.