By Brick City Slut

Hello my darlings,

Welcome to the first installment of Brick City Slut, a sex, relationship, and dating advice column in which I will answer your questions and provide feedback on your woes: 

“I just moved to Newark and I’m finding it hard to date on Tinder.  People in the city don’t want to come to Jersey and people in Jersey are scared of Newark.  What should I do?”

-Mia, 24

I wanna start by saying—I feel ya. I get some weird responses on Tinder also from New Yorkers who think I’m traveling to NYC from a foreign country that requires a passport and people in Jersey who make barely veiled racist comments about Newark. But, these aren’t actually people you want to date presumably. There are people out there on Tinder who are willing to take public transit from Queens to Newark for you, and people from other areas of NJ who are down to come to Newark. You can use living here as a litmus test to eliminate some folks, you might consider educating people on the public transit options. (Bed-Stuy and Washington Heights aren’t exactly an easy commute yet both are in NYC!)

Of course, the easy answer is that you could simply date other people who live in Newark, either through the apps or meeting people in person.

“Real talk, I’m into Dominican women.  I go to the Spanish clubs but I can’t get any play.” 

-Derrick, 32

Take some social dance lessons, go with a mixed gender group of friends to a club, dance with some of your female friends, then try to dance with strangers. Go to the clubs to dance and have fun with your friends rather than in a goal oriented manner, it will: (1) be lower stakes; (2) make people feel more at ease about interacting with you; and (3) be a success regardless of interacting with new people.  

“Besides QXT’s, what’s a good place for Queer people to meet here?”

-G, 26

I would suggest interest based meetups. For example, Method Climbing Gym has a monthly LGBTQIA meetup. The Newark Public Library also offers programming and resources. Dating apps are always an option. I’ve found that once I know one or two queer folks, it’s easier to find a more LGBTQIA friend group. 

“I can’t stop giving out money at the go-go club.  Love it, but my girl feels some type of way about it.”

-Khalid, 38

Tipping service industry workers is an honorable and good practice. Tip your waiter, tip your bartender, tip the go go dancers. I don’t really have enough context on why your girl feels negatively about this. Do you share finances? Is it about the attention you are giving other women? Would she like for you to spend some of the money tipping go-go dancers on a present for her? These are questions that you can find out by communicating with her. Going into that conversation, I suggest also considering what you are getting out of going to go-go clubs. Why does it thrill you? Try to approach the conversation with your girl with curiosity and openness while also sharing your perspective.

Send in more questions to newarkermag@gmail.com or write to us on Instagram @newarkermag or Twitter @TNewarker.

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